Kelsea ( Shanaia)
Involved with Womb Wisdom from 2015- 2017
Vancouver, BC 2018
Before I share my personal testimonial I feel it is very important that I am clear that I have and will continue to take self-responsibility for my own actions/wounds that led me into and what kept me in a relationship/ contract with Padma Aon Prakasha and the dark cluster of spirits moving behind him. I hold forgiveness in my heart towards both myself and his soul and I pray deeply and sincerely for him. This is not a personal attack but a revealing of the truth that must come to light now. I am grateful for Padma as his shadows have played an immeasurable role in my healing and awakening journey. I would not be able to see so clearly my blind spots and my own shadow if it was not for having gone through this initiation with him. I do not judge him, condemn him or wish to hurt him. I only wish for the truth to become known and for others to have a greater awareness of his megalomaniac and psychopathic nature so they can be more discerning when it comes to placing trust in spiritual leaders such as this…
In my spiritual quest to evolve and deepen in the ancient mysteries of the womb, I came to find “Womb Wisdom”. I was in my second round of this course when I personally met Padma. I had such a deep reverence, respect and trust for him as I felt he was a man with great power, wisdom and love. The way he spoke of himself was high and I held him as a Christed Being.
When I met Padma for the first time, we hugged and my entire body activated with energy. He later messaged me and shared that he believed I would be a great teacher for his work, but that it was important that I feel and receive the reference point of a healed masculine presence first. He suggested we meet and I agreed. A couple days later he was holding me in his arms and I just cried for hours releasing pain and trauma from my body. It felt like I was home in his presence. It was such a beautiful experience and I felt even more trust for him afterwards. He was then invited over to the retreat center that I was staying at by the owner–who just so happened to be friends with him. Later that evening, Padma shared with me that we were lovers in Egypt and as he touched my leg, energy shot through my entire body and I felt the truth of this karmic resonance flow through me. He brought me to my room to share a story with me. As he spoke of the Ancient temple in Egypt and the massacre of the Priestess’s, he weaved his words in a way that made me become convinced that I had something to do with the betrayal of him and the murder of the priestess’s. He claimed he was the Priest and I remember crying my eyes out looking into his eyes, seeing his face change into the man I once knew. He kept asking me who he was, telling me he was my Beloved. Eventually I gave him my will and became convinced he truly was my Beloved and that we had found each other again, after all those lifetimes. I was shaken at the core and so entranced that this man with such great power and depth was coming onto me.
He then kissed me and quickly moved himself on top of me. It was the most passionate, intense experience I have ever shared with a man. The way he placed himself onto me was overwhelming and I could feel pain shooting inside my mouth as he kissed me with intense vigour. I was so surrendered and even though it hurt, I didn’t have enough within me to tell him to stop. I was powerless and weak underneath him and a part of me had always wanted to experience a man with this much passion and desire and so I didn’t resist. I surrendered and moved with him as my body began to open in ways I never felt before. I began experiencing profound tantric bliss like never before. The next morning I woke up with swollen lips and a gut feeling that something was not right. I tried to understand what was happening, but I couldn’t. After that encounter we were constantly pulled to each other. I was entranced and wanted to explore what was unfolding. He kept telling me I was his “soul mate” and I felt special and exalted in his presence. He told me he was Judas and I believed him feeling that I held an important key to offer humanity in service beside him.
I was not allowed to share about our relating on the Womb Wisdom forum. I was sworn to keep our relationship a secret as no one was meant to come into our sacred container. There was a night that I slipped up and after I confessed this to him, he was very angry and verbally attacked and belittled me. Of course my post on the forum was removed by my/ his trained teacher and no one saw it, but he still ridiculed me to the point I was literally on the floor in shambles crying my eyes out, feeling deep remorse for how I was “too stupid” and how I had harmed him and caused him to receive spirit attacks. Even though he said many hurtful things about me, I believed them to be true because he was a highly evolved being who had vast precision, awareness and great consciousness that saw through everything and I was immediately draped in grief for what I had done. I continuously gave him my power, as he would re-affirm to me that he knew me better than I knew my own soul and that he wanted what was best for me. I truly believed this and trusted him.
Over time, we became even closer. The psychic connection grew incredibly strong. I felt like he was watching me when I was alone. I felt that he could hear my thoughts. I remember one night I woke up in terror as I felt this dark and heavy energy over me. When I became conscious, I realized it wasn’t human. Moments later he showed up at my door saying he could feel me. He was so tuned into me. Sometimes I felt I had no privacy in my own space. When I was pulling away, he would show up saying all the right things to bring me back into his life. I was also very connected to him and experienced feeling what he was feeling. I could especially feel him desiring me sexually and would know when he would want to make love, as I could feel his presence pulling on my body to be with him.
As time went on, his abusive patterns kept increasing. We experienced extreme highs together and then crashing devastating lows. After going to visit him in France I became more and more drained as I was rejected, demonized, made wrong and turned against. While I was there, I was made to believe that I was attacking my teachers wombs. Padma had me sit down and reveal what I saw in my womb as it was unconscious. After meditating I saw a portal of darkness landing on the earth and a black sticky web coating myself and the earth grids locking them in place. Padma then told me that my womb was possessed by the devil and that I had demonic seeds implanted in my ovaries. That I was the one who created/ birthed this black web and that I was no longer welcome to receive support and that I would be removed from the forum in a weeks time as I was trying to destroy his evolutionary work. That my “buddies” were placing devices all around the home and that I had to leave as soon as possible. He told me my womb was unsafe and he suggested I receive a transmission for a “womb lock” to be placed on me. He shared it was not safe for my own or my dear sister’s womb to be active and that it would take years for us to heal and repent for the global damage we had done. I remember feeling afraid that my womb was going to manifest cancer as he had mentioned before that the women who had turned against him would end up very sick. I was flown home with the weight of the world on my shoulders feeling immense guilt and shame. The women in the forum turned against me and another sister believed that I had cursed her. I was cast out and judged with no support at a time I needed it the most. This was one of the hardest and darkest things I ever had to go through. I was soul shocked. Weeks later he called me apologizing for what he had done, telling me how much he loved me and how he wished to see me again. I was emotionally whiplashed many times during our time together. He would reject, judge and push me away and then show affection again by opening himself up to me, often asking me to send him videos or naked pictures of myself.
I was so cast under a spell and because of my own vulnerabilities and wounds I did not walk away from him. I felt such deep love for him and always forgave him. I was so addicted to his charm and alluring, strong presence and also had a deep yearning to be with him as it was like nothing I had experienced before. I was so influenced believing that our relationship was one of the greatest blessings of my life. I believed that all his harshness and anger was the tough love I needed to help me evolve. That our “soul mate” connection and our Love was a gift, revealing all this darkness. I believed these highs and lows were a normal part of being with a man like this.
After all the intense separations, it was the most passionate, deeply blissful, ecstatic love I have ever experienced. He would share with me how much I meant to him and how I was the most beautiful woman he has ever been with. How I was his Soul mate and that he loved me as his Wife and that he would take care of me and be in my life forever. My heart was so open to him and so trusting that I believed him. I trusted that somewhere within him, he must truly love and care for me. Yet, every time we separated or spiralled into a drama, it was so intense and it felt like all his words would go shooting down the drain holding no meaning at all. He would open his relationship up again with his other teacher and would move back and forth between us. It felt like it was just too easy for him to walk away and receive what he needed from his other woman, that he couldn’t stick around long enough to truly face and work through what was present. Feeling heartbroken, I would dive into the darkest places. His words would cut me so deep and I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. I had no energy at all. At times I felt completely paralyzed and frozen from the trauma I had experienced. Even though his words made me feel like I was nothing, portraying me to be a small, stupid and worthless girl compared to the “powerful, intelligent, and evolved Christed being” he was, time and time again I would keep opening myself to him. I remember him saying that the only thing I was good at was making love. I was told I was nothing without him and that I didn’t deserve him. I was “Satan’s whore, a slut, a cunt.” When my face would break out due to my hormone imbalance he would call me “crater face” and would get angry at me for not being “feminine enough”, telling me I didn’t care enough about him to take care of myself. After spending time cooking for him, many times my food was “shit”. Time and time again he would tell me how stupid I was, that I was brainless and vacuous. His nickname for me was “Bimbo Barbie”. It’s hard to swallow the emotional abuse I enabled and normalized during my time with him. I was so naive, believing this was all a test for my ego. I believed this was all happening for my evolution and that I deserved this. That what he was saying was the truth.
It was like I was possessed. I couldn’t see clearly. My solar plexus would tighten and I could not be without him. I would do anything to win him back after he would treat me this way. I became so manipulated that I believed without him I was nothing. It felt like I was literally walking on egg shells with him. I had to watch my every move because I did not want to trigger or upset him in any way. I got incredibly used to always feeling pain in my chest, not having any security in my life, but somehow continuously trusting that I was in good hands. I worked myself to complete exhaustion doing all the practices and rituals he asked me to do. It felt that I had to do everything under his watch and approval and that if I didn’t he would reject me. I was so afraid of this because overtime he made me believe that I would not “make it” without his guidance. That I would become too “spirit influenced” without his constant support. He prescribed me transformational and healing practices that made me believe he really cared for me but now I wonder if it was just a way to fulfill his own needs and story? I completely allowed myself to become the puppet on his string. I alienated myself from my family and friends. During my time with Womb Wisdom I broke up with my partner, quit my business and changed my name. He even convinced me to write a public letter sharing how I manipulated my clients because I was too wounded to be helping others. At one point, he sat beside me and told me what to type. I entrusted him and put him before everything in my life. I picked up and completely moved my life twice to fly across the world to be with him, only to last 2 weeks in his presence before another intense drama would play out. I was continuously sent back with great despair and heavy guilt and shame as he would make everything feel like it was “my fault”. He would gaslight me time and time again.
It was months of this back and forth abuse until some of the women in the work began to catch onto his harshness and behaviour. After my trip to New Zealand to be with him, I felt completely paralyzed and frozen from the trauma I experienced. I spoke with one of the women involved in the work, and then herself and another woman came out in public about his narcissistic tendencies, psychopathic behaviour and false light cult constructs. Later that day I completely left my body. It was like I was high on Ayahuasca. I was hallucinating and was experiencing strange body perceptions. I understand now that I was so traumatized from what I had been through, that I left my body completely. Everything was swirling around me and I didn’t know what to do. I began cutting chords and focusing on really separating from him for good. I became very sick and my energy was very weak. I was beginning to understand the severity of the spirit influence and how entangled I was with him. As I began to disconnect he began messaging me telling me how he could feel me sexually and asking me why I was ignoring him.
I did not respond to him, but then shortly after, I was strung in and felt called to share how I was truly feeling in hopes to bring this all to an end. He received me and apologized for his behavior, taking ownership of the spirits moving through him that caused him to minimize me and treat me like I was dirt and nothing to him. It felt like it was a real breakthrough and that he was finally owning himself and his darkness. He humbled himself and shared with me that I was his teacher of love and said all the right things to win me back again. Being my love-drunk, addicted and forgiving self, I opened my heart back to him again. I heard in my head, “You must go back with him to help him” as simultaneously my sexual energy was being turned on by a force outside of myself. Now I understand that it was not natural and that my sexual energy was being syphoned, but at the time, I was so aroused by the rush of energy that I agreed to see him and begin to work on deepening our healing together.
He came to visit me and within no time he slipped right back into his patterns of verbal and emotional abuse. He blamed me for being the one who provoked the women to turn on him. He belittled me again telling me it was my fault and that if I hadn’t spoken to them about my experiences, none of that would have happened. He reverted back to shaming and guilting me and believed he was justified by his distorted thinking and blaming. He denied that any abuse occurred and reverted back to claiming that if it wasn’t for what I did, he would not have gotten mad at all. He could not take ownership for the ways he was really abusing me and the other women. I became the one who betrayed him and another huge drama played out. He had a way that was so good with words that I believed his words to be true and I was immediately draped with an immensity of guilt and my solar plexus and heart were taken through another stabbing, tight sensation episode of great pain. His narcissistic ploys sucked more and more emotional energy from me and it felt like I was slowly killing myself until 15 months later I was finally able to break free of this ‘Love Bite’ Relationship and heal the wounds that hooked me into a madness…
During our time together he would speak of his ex’s and how they all betrayed him. Anyone who denied him or challenged him was heavily spirit influenced and when I was veiled under his influence, I believed him. I turned from so many of my sisters because of this belief until I finally began to see the distortion. After reading so many testimonials of the same patterns playing out I can’t believe the lies and deceit. He never shared any of these experiences with me. He still hasn’t chosen to take responsibility for his actions or his shadow. It shows as my story and other’s experiences sound so much the same, even 10 years later. I pray he will be able to humble himself and recognize the truth of his actions. I also pray that the ones who are still connected to him see the truth and begin to unravel from his ego’s entrapment. I hold love in my heart and pray for the highest good of all but I will no longer stand to normalize or support such abuse.
Thank you for witnessing me.
In Love and Truth, Kelsea Shanai’a Rai