I am willing to be transparent about all my past and knowledge of public figure, author and spiritual teacher, Padma Aon Prakasha.
I have met Padma for the first time in organized tour in Egypt called the Tantra of Light in February 2008. I simply discovered a link marketing the tour through internet.
The first time I met Padma, I was very impressed by him as he welcomed me with a large impressive hug, with a large smile, full of love as if he knew me already and I was his best friend. I became quickly very attracted to Padma’s teachings and personality because he would make me feel special, helped and supported, important. He was attractive to me, powerful, fearless, and what I thought was a spiritually evolved person. I wanted to become like him on that respect. I had – and still have – a very low sense of self, was looking for a substitute father’s figure that inspired and loved me, and was also very said in my own intimate relationship. I was in a condition to be very easily manipulated, and I would almost accept everything coming from him in the hope to become spiritually evolved and worthy. I really wanted to feel special, worth of his attention and care, and he fed this addiction perfectly.
Padma was most of the time really good and friendly with me, like a really good friend that cares about me, and one that really see me and value me as I truly am. I was feeling good because he met most of my addictions to feel good about myself as a man, most of the time. So, I grew a strong sense of trust towards him that he wanted just all good for me and others.
However, on a few occasions, all along the time I have known him, this is more than 3 years, he has been attacking my sense of self-worth, telling me how I was still full of errors and underdeveloped spiritually. I would really feel terrible about myself, like a piece of shit, and then in this space, he would tell me he knows what I need to do to grow, and how I could heal. In this way, Padma was creating in me a kind of link of dependence where I felt he knows better, he is more developed, I need him to heal myself, and so, I should listen to him.
Sometimes I would feel really scared of Padma’s sudden violent behaviour towards the group of someone in particular, but then I would reason myself that this was love in action, and that it was just for the benefit of us or that person that Padma had to be that firm. This is what I thought love would be because Padma knows best what love is.
I also heard about his ‘violent’ treatments of women, through hearing women getting suddenly angry at him, or seeing his assistant or lovers being suddenly banned and disappearing without any explanation, but I did not dare to really investigate and question his authority about why he chose so. I was scared of his unexpected violent reactions, his attacking my sense of worth or rejecting me as well, and I did not dare to question his authority.
Padma recommended me to break with my 9-year-old partner because she was not ‘spiritual’ enough and we had no sexual intimacy for the last 2 years. He told me that I need sexual intimacy to grow spiritually. I was very said in my relationship at that point in time, and easily manipulated into leaving my partner. I wanted to feel sexually worth as a man and felt completely sexually rejected by my partner, but we were still good friends and she was a good and friendly person. Already in Egypt, as I was still in relationship, I started flirting with another woman that had been praised by Padma in front of the whole group, and I felt Padma’s approval. I was not even sexually attracted by that women. I also felt other women sexual projections onto me, and felt really worth as a man.
While I was still in relationship, Padma kept pressurize me into engaging sexual intimacy with other women. I told my partner about how despaired I felt, and we decided to take both some sexual freedom and see what happens. Then, I started to occasionally sexually engage with other partners with the hope to grow spiritually and to get Padma’s approval, and I felt better about myself.
Eventually, I decided to leave my partner. When I left her, I staid single for 6 months. Padma then manipulated me into entering a relationship with one of his female student. What happens is that Padma told me during my first trip in Egypt with him, how this woman and me could potentially become really great teachers of him if we were together in an intimate relationship. I was really excited about that possibility to become a teacher. But, I felt really scared of that woman and did not feel to flirt with her. Padma knew that this woman felt attracted to me. He asked me to play her ‘sacred’ partner’s role in the centre of a private ceremony of 40 people during the tour in Egypt. This was really weird as I was playing a role but my heart was not sincerely involved. We eventually became friends, but nothing more. Then, more than a year after the Egypt tour, as I was single for 6 months, Padma told me during a workshop in South of France: “You really need a partner to keep growing spiritually, ask your soul what partner you soul wants”. I was looking so much for his approval and wanted to become important as a teacher that I answered the name of this woman he introduced to me in Egypt. Then, Padma pressurized me on the spot to write her an email inviting her to be my partner. I was really terrorized, but I felt that it was the right thing to do to grow spiritually and serve the world. So, I did write to her, and she directly accepted. We entered a relationship, and eventually got married. After paying both a lot of money to be trained as Padma’s teacher, we became Padma’s official teachers. I believed I was becoming someone “special”, useful, doing healing and helping lots of people. We end up teaching a few workshops together in Europe and I enjoyed it very much. The relationship felt terrible at times, and really abusive to me, and at a few occasions I really wanted to run away. I was staying just for the wrong reason, to try to do the right thing, to keep having Padma’s approval. I did not know what I would do if I left her. I would lose Padma’s approval, I would lose my new job and sense of worth as a teacher. I was terrorized.
The next year, while we were Padma’s assistants training new teachers on an internet Forum, I discovered the teaching of Divine Truth from AJ Miller and Mary Luck (www.divinetruth.com) that Padma was referring to more and more in his teachings about God and love. I became quickly fascinated by what AJ Miller was revealing in his teachings. This man felt so respectful of people free will, humble and kind, it was so different from the harsh treatment that Padma called love. I became really confused. I started to have more and more doubt and discomfort about Padma’s attitude towards his student and assistants.
One day, I could not keep quiet, and I addressed and questioned publicly what I felt to be an unloving and manipulative post from Padma on the forum because I had learned from AJ Miller that love always honour people free will. As only response, I have been immediately banned from his team, and my partner who had nothing to do with it was banned too. It was really an outburst of rage from Padma with personal attack and threads. Nobody among the other teachers dared to say anything about it, they were all scared of facing the same fate. This is a copy of the email Padma sent me (back then known as Amael to Padma) and my partner on July 12, 2011. It illustrates very well the way Padma tends to put people self-worth down, and often accused them of projecting evil thoughts at him, when he feels threatened in his power and control:
“If you two wish to continue spreading delusion and theories without any back up or experience that you have had of them on my forum to my group, i will expell you within 12 hours.
Amael, your projections onto me with your ideals of perfection have happened three times in the last week, and only show something about you and your own wounds around perfection that bind you still. I will not be projected onto one more time by you.
If you are trying in some dim witted way to challenge me this is a very naive move to do. Know whom and what you are dealing with.
If you suddenly feel that you are all knowing about love and truth when you are just entering the 2nd sphere, i feel sorry for you.
I will not go around my group repairing damage you are doing with your ignorance.
Your brother Nico shared you wished to learn. I trust he is right.
You have neither right nor authority to offer anything in this community without consulting me first. There is only 1 leader here.
If you wish to set up your own community, then go for it with you 3. Good luck to you and may God Be with you.
If you wish to be part of this one, then i suggest you amend your attitude and become a bit more humble.
I have taken you both off the Forum. I may put you back if and when i feel a shift in you, or not. ”
I was really under shock during a couple of days, but then, I started feeling a sense of deep relief to become free of Padma’s controlling influence. And so did my partner.
A week later, Padma wrote us a message to sort of apologize, but I did not feel any sincere regret, remorse, in his words, he was more justifying his past unloving behaviour:
Now the dust has settled and you are more on your track, i feel to share something with you both.
What has happened is for the best for everything, and i felt that from the beginning. This is why i did not feel to share anything before this.
None of us can be held in past reference points of who we were, as opposed to who we now are. Any projection or feeling of this is detrimental to who we actually are now and what we can become.
The error i made was not actually to do with what was being thought of by you, and was rectified within days of me making my outburst. The outburst was for different reasons than what you thought. I did not feel to share this with you as you both think of me as something i am not, and something from the past. I appreciated Arayas final response a little more as it was more aspiring to Truth; this was because Araya was not projecting her own wound onto me and just sharing some principles. I am sorry if you were hurt by my outburst in any way, as i did not wish to create harm or offend anyone.
Whilst we all make errors of differing degrees, it is true that the sooner we rectify them the better, and there is no sin left when we do this fully.
I love you both, and wish you the best for your continuance into God now and in the spirit world. I have assisted your souls out of the hells, and this is what i agreed to do, with Gods Help.
God Bless you.
I wish Padma no harm. Today, I feel entirely responsible for all my unloving choices towards myself and many others under Padma’s influence, and I understand much more of why I attracted Padma into my life.
I just hope that my testimony, among others, will help to prevent more harm to be done to other people that come in contact with Padma, and that Padma may get to see the truth of his own condition, and eventually grow a desire to stop doing more harm to himself and others.
Padma’s methods are not spiritual. It is an evil act to manipulate people’s injuries and weaknesses and harm them to our own benefit. I have learned today that true spirituality is all about truth, love and kindness.